Falling Apart at the Seems

No, that's not a typo. It's a spiritual pun that came to me today that forms a nice little shape into which I can pour my first blog of 2009.

I'm just noting that my ongoing practice of Just Resting is (finally?) allowing me to see an increasing number of those reinforced places in the fabric of my own persona and outlook that block me from seeing things as they Really Are. I guess you could say that he "seems" are falling apart and the light is filtering in.

I'm feeling a bit like Jim Carey's portrayal of Truman Burbank in The Truman Show (1998), as he clambers around the edge of the artificial world that he always thought was real but finally figures out is just a fabricated reality in a huge studio. For his entire life, the crew and staff of this show have poured endless energy into keeping the illusion going that he's living in the 'real world'. Hmmm... gonna have to re-rent that movie again!

By questioning more and more of our worldview, by tugging at loosening threads of the once machine-sewn "seems", the designer clothing of our illusory reality starts to break down. The clothing of our egos starts to fray. Can we tolerate the internal anxiety? Can we stop fighting this evolutionary process and insisting on sewing these "seems" back up with the needle of fear and the thread of comfort? If we can, we will eventually see our True Nature: Naked, Unclothed, Free.

Here's an example of a "seem" that ripped for me just the other day. A co-worker who happens to push my buttons REALLY easily was working with me in close quarters on a project. "Hey, you can do it a lot quicker by doing it this other way," I pointed out, feeling the pressure of the upcoming deadline. Smiling, he took an even LONGER route around the software, as if delighting in seeing me fluster up as he refused to submit to my control patterns.

I've seen him do this in the past, and have walked out of the room sometimes due to his "seemingly" uncooperative and oppositional behavior -- steam coming out my ears. But this time. This time: I caught it. I paid attention to everything going on. I saw that he was actually GRINNING as he ignored my suggestion and went to a length to "rip my seems," so to speak. I also saw that I wanted to make things go faster to put an end to my fear that we would not finish on time. He, however, was much more in the moment and just enjoying the process.

"You're just doing that to yank my chain, aren't you?" I noted incredulously, a smile breaking out on my own face.

"What me? Would I do that?" he replied, breaking out into a cackle. If we were 13 I would have punched him in the arm, hard. Even so, I was grateful and delighted.

He was giving me a zen pointing out instruction, right there! We both laughed really hard. I was free of that frustration pattern with him. I had let go. It felt good.

So I'm learning... the louder the ego shouts out about something, the more it's a sign that it's a time to reconsider how things "seem." Perhaps that's not how things really are. Perhaps?

As we slow down the reactive processes through regular practice of some form of letting the mind rest, we gain capacity to challenge the familiar, well-justified patterns of our "I-sense" and look again with other eyes.

My experience is that this increasing contact with this unified field makes it safer and safer for the ego to simply stand down and to let things "fall apart at the seems." It's worth it!

Sew Be It!

Dharma Walker