On Seeing Only Half the Picture (and the Pizza)

I had to work at home today, and by the time for the evening meal had come around, I was feeling quite itchy to get out of the house. But when I asked if he'd like to go out tonight, my son informs me, like the diligent student he is, that he has a lot of homework, so going out wouldn't be such a good idea. Well, can't argue with that, now, can I?

But I had my heart set on a good sit-down meal out. I did, I did, I DID!! But that was not What Was. So, I did the next best thing and went online to our favorite pizzeria, and I punched in my order for our pizza. But, I wasn't paying close attention to what I was doing (still grumbling about having to eat at home). I thought I had smartly checked off my son's toppings on one side, and mine on the other. However, in my not paying attention, I set myself up for a big surprise.

I had a bit of food shopping to do, so I shopped while the pizza cooked, then picked it up on the way home. Be the time I got home, it was already after 8 p.m. (much later than I should be eating) and my blood sugar's crashing and I'm still cranky about eating at home (desire can be a persistent thing!). I had managed to get closer to the moment during my drive to the grocery, enjoying what was really a lovely evening... sunny, warm, breezy. I could not believe how hard it was to enjoy my favorite time of year!

So I get home, only to find my son on the game console.

"What's up? Did you finish your homework already?" I asked.

"Hear me out: I don't have the book with me that gives me the formula I need to complete my science assignment."

More irritation! I could have eaten out! Oh, but universal law was not finished with me yet!

Finally got the groceries put away, and some drinks poured for dinner. I hear my son say, "so what's up with the half cheese pizza and all these toppings on one side?"

I come striding out of the kitchen, inflamed further by the "stupid pizza people's total lack of awareness when following the order" followed by a long series of uncompassionate epithets. My son went into a little mock entitlement, "Give them a call back dad. Tell them they screwed up and they have to deal with it now. Make them bring us a new pizza!" and he kept on prattling about it until I had to interrupt him. He was simply reflecting my somewhat out-of-control mind at that moment, as kids often do.

"Hold on! I think I know what happened."

Grumpily, I went back to the office and pulled up the old order on my computer (the blessing/curse of internet pizza). There it was, plain as can be:

 I had checked "left side" for each of the toppings... my son's and my own. They had delivered exactly what was requested. A Polarized pizza.

I pulled what toppings of his I could onto his now-naked half of the pizza, put some more pepperoni on it, and popped it into the oven for a few minutes (by this time it had all gotten a little cool).  We managed to enjoy a good pizza meal, despite everything.

My lesson: pay attention. Small mistakes can have rippling effects. I am responsible for pretty much everything that happens in my reality, one way or another, even if I really believe with all my ego's certainty.  It was my spiritual practice, my meditation, which permitted me just enough "space" to recall the confusion that I had glossed over when hastily checking off my topping choices on-line, and I didn't let the blaming get out of hand. 

I wonder how many other things I am unconsciously choosing all the time, by not paying close enough attention to see what's really going on? How often does my reactive mind cloud my clear seeing? The pizza showed me: I was being very "one-sided" in my thinking!

I felt very grateful that I had a record I could refer back to so that I could accurately "blame" myself for my own suffering in this case, rather than continue to hold any ill will towards my teacher for today: the very masterful, to-the-letter pizza joint.